This is a paragraph! Here's how you make a link: Neocities.
Here's how you can make bold and italic text.
Here's how you can add an image:
Here's how to make a list:
To learn more HTML/CSS, check out these tutorials!
Date: 12/03/25 - Time: 9:51 PM
Hello,
My name is Mitchell. I'm insane. I have BPD. I do not have the money to get therapy. However, I am going to get better. This is my journal.
This is the journal of a crazy person. I hope you enjoy it. I don't plan to go out like Daul Kim, I want to live a good long life, however, I cannot promise that everything I do or document will be morally upstanding. So please be patient with me. I am going to get better. This is the story of me getting better. If you find this I hope it's entertaining.
Also I'm sorry about the look of this website right now. I'm garbage at coding, but my dad is an engineer so maybe I'll get some (epi?)genetic skills soon or hopefully some ancestral blood memory.
Wish me luck! Bye
Date: 14/03/25 - Time 7:59 PM
Do you ever want to obliterate yourself. Just vanish into nothingness. Gosh how I want to disappear. I want to become some strange translucent mist and stop existing, stop thinking, stop having to move or act or be. I want to stop the obligations, the responsibilites, the extent of my life. And yet, I know that those things are what make life good. I know that once I let go of those obligations, I'm letting go of the ways that I'm connected to the world. I'm reminded of Holden Caufield who wanted to go into a cabbin in the woods (and to an extent J.D Salinger). Is it childish to want to remove yourself from reality, to escape into fantasy or a void, probably. But I can't bring myself to kill the impulse or to fully get rid of it. Maybe I'm spoiled or maybe just too sensitive. I don't know. Hopefully it disappears. Will I be happy again, yes. Am I happy now, no.
Long live the future. I hope it comes soon. Bye!
Date: 03/07/25 - Time: 3:58 PM
Terrible day. No one takes me seriously. My boss will not give me work. I do not want to embrace Sloth. I want to grow. Even pain is better than nothingness.
Date: 01/10/2025
Looked out at the door to my balconey today, was pierced with the thought of throwing myself out of it. Then went to grab a knife to make my salad. My first thought was what it might feel like to cut myself. I don't mean to be edgy. I am just distraught.
I have not yet obtained an articling position. I want to control my own destiny but I am instead forced into the whims of this giant system beyond my control. I hate this. I hate the waiting. I hate the uncertainty over my future. I bordering on a breakdown.
There's this woman that I loathe. I think she may be stalking me. She is in two of my classes. She has attached herself to a seperate woman, whose beautiful and smart. I want the other woman. I don't want her. But I see how she looks at me. It feels like a bomb, whose detination I can't predict. Will she ruin my life? I hope not. But I don't know. I think I have been conditioned to be scared of women. I will not get into the history. But I think the strenght of women is their percieved weakness, and the weakness of men is their percieved strenght.
I feel alone. Can I do this? I don't know. I wish I was different. But I couldn't stomach that kind of change. I put myself through hell for nothing. What's the point? IDK
Our father, up in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.
Date: 02/10/2025
Chaffing like a mf - bad. However, I got an e-mail back for a job interview - good
I feel like certain people don't respect me, but do you need everyone to respect you? I think it would be a fool's errand to care about what everyone else thinks of you. I just hope I can get in good with God.